Friday, June 27, 2008

Set in stone...

I am so angry right now. And hurt. But mostly angry. Brad called his father. And his father blames me. ME?!?!?!?!?! Brad is "so busy" and I should be picking up the slack. So if Brad doesn't call his father back, it is my fault. Even though I tell Brad at least once a week that he needs to call his father and also call his mother. Even though I'm the one who sends gifts or pictures. Even though I'm the one who says we should visit them.
They have this idea that they know me. The only things they know about me are things that Brad has said. And he said a lot of untrue horrible things about me when he was trying to justify leaving me--even though he wanted a divorce because he was having an affair. So they have this idea that I am a dirty person who doesn't clean, who doesn't help Brad with all of his overwhelming life problems. Brad is "too busy" with his job, but somehow he finds the time to spend hours on the computer researching the teams that will be playing so he can gamble on them. Somehow he's too busy to call his dad, but he manages to go out to the bar with his friends at least once per week if not more. Oh, and I am unclean. Me, who has one of the cleanest houses in the MOPS group. No, I am no OCD, but I am not dirty either. They made a comment to Brad last year that I never help them when I come to visit. Which is total bullshit. Excuse my french. I don't normally cuss, but I am so angry right now. I always offer to help clear the table, or help with the dishes, or help cook, and they always tell me "oh no, you sit and enjoy your time, you are our guest". And apparently I am supposed to ignore that. Well how the hell was I supposed to know that? I was pregnant and thought they meant what they said. And there is now way for me to change their opinion of me. They don't live here. They don't know what a kind, loving, generous person I am. They don't know that I have forgiven and forgiven and forgiven my husband over and over again. They don't know that I am the one holding our little family together. They will never see that. And I could just scream. And I am crying about all of this. And I am just so done with them. D-O-N-E. Done.

Oh, and the baby birds died last night. The nest fell out of the tree during the storm and they were lying on the driveway. And I don't understand why I had a little miracle from God and then two days later they are dead. So I'm sad about that too.

1 comment:

J... said...

I just wanted you to know that I read your blog (I just found it recently but have been reading some of the archives).

I'm really sorry about the birds. I was hoping they'd make it through.