Thursday, May 29, 2008
I was on craiglist, looking for dressers and outdoor playsets when Landon wandered over. Totally naked. Which is shocking in itself, but even more so since a minute earlier I had seen him and he had smelled a bit...you know, that smell that makes you go "okay, poopie diaper change coming up". So I jumped up from the computer chair and dashed around the corner, concerned about what I would find waiting for me in the tv area. Phew, diaper, poop intact, safely sitting on the floor, no spillage. But wait, what is this?!? The dog is at the backdoor. Shocking because he was on his dog run, which is NOT by the backdoor. And his collar is missing. And he's covered in mud. So I usher him into the laundry room where he is safely contained until I can rediaper Landon and reclothe him. What is this?!?! The phone is ringing. And it is Emilie's school. So I answer it, only to hear...."Emilie has a rash on her cheeks and forehead. She doesn't have a fever, but I just wanted you to be aware of it....Fifth disease has been going around and I don't think she has it, but I wanted you to know that she does have a rash. We'll just keep her here since she doesn't have any other symptoms and she says it doesn't itch." So.....Landon is safely encased in plastic and cotton again, dog is clean, I'm informed of rash, and I sit down to find that email. LOL.
Wednesday, May 28, 2008
My dad bought me a drill for my anniversary. And it makes perfect sense that for my 9th wedding anniversary he bought ME a drill. Because after nine years I've realized that the person I have married is never going to become a handy man. He just isn't made to be one. And I need handy man things done around my house. So I will become the handy man of my house. I will drill things and screw things and assemble things and get things done. Isn't that how marriages last? You realize what things can change and what things can't....and you adjust yourself accordingly. I've always been the one to put things together, to read the map, to remember where the car is parked. I am the visual one of the relationship....I am the one who can see how windows need to be taken out and put back in...how the shower door needs to be hung...how to fit furniture through doorways. So I spent much of this holiday weekend hanging blinds, curtains, pictures, and shelves. I felt very "I am woman, hear me roar". Now I'm ready to start tackling the plastering that needs to be done in my bathroom. Diydiva, I'll be coming to you with questions....
I haven't exercised this week. Excuses, but none valid. Will get back on track. I'm up a pound this week. Ugh.
Last night was our MOPS Steering In and Out dinner. I am officially no longer the MOPS coordinator of our group. And the new one is going to do a FANTASTIC job. She is so much more organized and prepared than I was. I'm excited to see how the new year goes.
Hubby is starting meds today. Hopefully something to balance out his moods a bit better. Cross your fingers, say your prayers.
I'm caught up in dance rehearsal hell. Six days out of 8 I am in a dark theatre, watching kids "practice" their dances. I can't wait for the stupid recital to be done on Sunday. Ugh.
I'm thinking about just having a staycation this year. No Myrtle Beach. Which means no beach, but also no money swooshing down the tank of the car, no 14 hours of car time with two kids, no dealing with the in-laws. Might actually be a good trade-off. And PA has fun things to do, right here at home.
Friday, May 16, 2008
I changed my bedroom around. I switched it sometime last fall and I've hated it ever since. The flow of the room was all wrong....I slept bad that way...the feng shui was off. All is put back to rights now. I waited this long because I have hardwood floors, and any time I move stuff I manage to scratch the floors all up. Well this time I did it the hard way. I emptied dressers, took apart the bed, actually moved stuff out of the room. Took longer, I sweated more (thanks for the extra workout!), but managed to not scratch a thing. I love moving rooms around.
Next week is our 9 year anniversary. If ever a year deserved celebration it is this one. If we make it through this year, we can make it through any year. Days like yesterday make that a big if though....
I weighed myself this morning....since starting this weight-loss journey I am down 20 lbs. Oh yeah!!! Go me! :) That isn't 20 lbs since starting the MOPS Biggest Loser thing...I'm down 7 since starting that....but 20 since January (please note, I started in January, fell off the wagon, and only got back on again about 3 weeks ago). I'm less now then I was when I got pregnant with Landon. But I have a long way to go to get to where I was when I got pregnant with Emilie, and even more to go to get to my goal weight. But booyah, 20 lbs. is somethin'!
I'm getting an elliptical with my Dubyah $$. Stimulating the economy....and my weight-loss. Thanks, George Dub. I appreciate it.
Gotta go mop floors. I'm not a domestic goddess, that's for sure.............
Wednesday, May 14, 2008
And all I can think is how wrong he is. How rich and full and beautiful and colorful and amazing my life is because of my belief in God and His son, Jesus. I unapologetically believe in God. I believe He created earth and all that is in it. I believe that He sent Sis son to earth to be born a man. I believe that Jesus is God's son, that He died on the cross for me, and that He rose again. I believe that He is in heaven, making a special place just for me. I believe that God hears me when I pray. I believe that He cares about me. And I believe all of that, not because my parents taught me to, but because I have lived it, felt it, breathed it. I have tested Him and found him to be true and good. I have walked away from Him and felt life without Him, and I have returned to Him and felt his loving forgiveness. My beliefs are not small-minded. I am not limited by them. I have been expanded beyond what I could be by myself. And I am so grateful for that. I feel some anger for his words and their intended hurt, but mostly I feel so sad for him. That he doesn't feel God like I do. That he can't hold on to those beliefs during difficult times in his life. That he has to hurt me in that way. And I know that it is only my God who lets me feel pity and sorrow for him, when everything natural would be for me to start feeling bitterness and hatred. I'm not ashamed to say that I love Jesus.
I'm trying really hard to believe that my husband does want to work on things. But I'm struggling to cling to that when all I see are evidence of someone who doesn't care, doesn't want to try, or is just plain unable to change. It has been a number of weeks since I said I would only try one more time if we went to counseling. I gave him the counselor's number. I reminded him at least 5 times (although I said I wouldn't remind him....since if he really wanted to do this he would show me that by not needing to be reminded). And he has lost the number. The day I gave it to him he went to the bar with his friend instead. During this time that the kids and I were away he said he would fix the bathroom wall (I didn't ask him to, he brought it up on his own). I came home to see that not only did he not fix the wall, he didn't do anything. Not even his own laundry. And on top of it, he is doing the one thing I have begged him not to. The one thing I have given him ultimatums over. The one thing that I specifically and repeatedly told him not to do. In fact, the only thing that I have flat out told him no on. He is gambling again. And it hurts so much. He does not hear me. And although he says he loves me... although he says he wants to work on things... although he talks a good game...everything he does screams otherwise. And I am going to have to make my actions match my words now too......
Tuesday, May 13, 2008
I lost 2 lbs. this past week. Not bad considering most of the week was spent on the road. And several meals were at someone else's house where I had no control over menu. Oh, and I also didn't work out while traveling. So yeah, I'll take my 2 lbs. I think I was the biggest loser of the week among my competitors too. :)
Struggling today. Foggy brain. Tired. And sad.
Thursday, May 8, 2008
Hey Manchester buddy, thanks for the hallooo this morning. :)
See you all next week.
Over and Out...
Wednesday, May 7, 2008
- Lost 4 lbs during week one of the MOPS Biggest Loser. All together the team lost 28 lbs. I wasn't the biggest loser, but I wasn't the worst either. Right in the middle. Where I have no intention of staying!!!
- I spent hours today working on downloading a trial version of Word so I could write up some spanish translation documents for the mission trip that I DON'T get to go on. Got it done, and sent it off to the team leader through email. Phew. I was starting to worry that it was one of those commitments that I tend to make and then realize that I can't do.
- I had to cancel my counseling session for today. No babysitter. And no time. It is going to be a crazy evening of packing and loose string wrapping up.
- I have a friend traveling to Europe today. Bon voyage! Have a safe and wonderful trip. Wish I was going. :)
- I am dreading, big time, this trip tomorrow. My parents, my sister, my sister's boyfriend, my kids and I....all crammed in my van...and my parents are fighting today. And my sister is pregnant and will have to pee constantly. And my youngest hasn't ever been in the car that long. And we all love each other but get on each other's nerves.
- Didn't walk today. Feel icky because of it.
Tuesday, May 6, 2008
I am never going to just magically wake up skinny, so this is going to take hard work. For which I am prepared and willing and ready to do and have been doing. The whole idea that I have to make the changes that I want to see in my life...yeah, it only took me 30 years to get to that one. I'm a little slow.
I am so thankful that as badly as I have abused my body that God has kept me healthy. I have been extremely overweight for a good 8 years now, and I haven't suffered from diabetes, high blood pressure, or any other weight related illness. I have also had two very healthy pregnancies. So I am just so thankful that my body has been kind to me, even though I have not been kind to it.
Smithers (the huge hill that is smack dab in the middle of my walking loop....short for Smithereens, because that is what I would like to crush him to) and I made a deal today. He won't kill me, and I promise to get off of him as quickly as I can. And I added a new loop to my walk today. It was a road I'd not been on, and imagine my surprise to encounter Smitherish and Smitherette on that route. Oh joy...more hills. My calves are going to be so sexy by this time next summer!
My brain/body are enjoying this challenge. As I walk, I hear a little mantra singing in my head. "I'll be running this in no time, running this in no time, running this in no time." I've never been like this in my life. I am so ready to take on the idea of training for a marathon (albeit, a mini one), and bike, and hike, and canoe, and white-water raft. I was a tomboy as a kid, and boy do I feel all of that coming back again.
I can already feel muscle under my fat. And I see a bit of definition in my calf muscles too. I can't WAIT to see what my body will look like once all this fat is gone.
I'd be scared of me. Because I have that kind of determination that will kill you if you mess with me. I'm one badass momma. With a heart of gold. I'd be my friend.
Monday, May 5, 2008
Yesterday I mowed the front yard. I haven't pushed a mower in years. In my 30 years of living on this planet, I have mowed the grass exactly twice before yesterday. There is a small hill on the side of our house in the front, and it was a good arm workout to push that thing down and haul it back up, over and over again. And because I am such a nice girl, I did my neighbor's strip of yard too. The hard part. The part on the hill that leads up to the mailbox. I was only slightly slower than Brad at mowing it, so that felt good to know. One of these days I'll do the back too, but for now I let him do that! :) We own almost an acre.....and I am NOT ready to push mow all of that.
The kids and I headed out to Moraine Lake yesterday. I packed some healthy snacks and several pb&j sandwiches, and we played out there by the water for a few hours. My parents came with us, and my sister and her "baby daddy" met us there. It was fun to throw a football around, watch the kids enjoy the playground, and take in some nature.
I'm thinking of getting a part-time job. I need some of my own money. And with gas going up, up, up, our budget gets tighter, tighter, tighter. If I ever want Starbucks again, then I need some money coming in! :)
God is still telling me to wait on Him. I can feel my heart softening. I know He is going to have all of the glory at the end of this time in my life. And I can't wait to see what He has in store for me....I know it is going to be so much better than anything I could ever have hoped for. Cuz that is how my God rolls.