Nope, wasn't about cheese...

This was written the same day as my last post....but I only posted it on my xanga blog. So for those of you who don't read that one, here it is...

Brad called me about an hour ago and asked if I was upset. And I did something rare for me....I told him the truth. I told him that I was furious. That I was angry not only with his dad, but with him. I got it all out....how I feel like he has mistakenly led them to believe that our marriage issues are because of things that I have done or not done, he let them think that the reason we are getting along okay now is because I have changed those "issues", I ripped him a new one for not making any changes in how he relates with me. I told him that I feel invisible to him. I told him that it was a year ago this time that he was involved in an affair and in the past year he has not made any effort to show me that I am cherished, or loved, or special. He has yet to plan a date for us, he has yet to give me any little tokens of his love, he has yet to show me that he wants to continue to be married to me. I let him know that I was angry that his dad think so little of me, that it is his fault they have this opinion of me, and that it is only because of all the effort and time I put into holidays and celebrations that our children will have any of those memories at all. I plan all birthdays, I plan all holidays, I do the gift buying and the celebrating. Me. By myself. And I give him half credit for those things with our children. And I understand that this is what a mom does, but I want his family to know that I do those things. And apparently they don't. I told him how angry I was that he uses me as an excuse with his friends or boss when he doesn't want to do things. I basically unloaded it all. And he, I think, got it. And he said he needed a fire lit up under his ass in order to make those changes. And I told him, "consider that fire lit".
As for his dad. I don't know that I want to put any more effort into that relationship. I really don't want to visit them. I don't mind if Brad does, and I certainly wouldn't say that my children can't go, but I don't see the need for me to put myself into that environment. My brother lives a few hours away. Maybe I can visit with he and his wife while Brad and the kids visit with them. No loss to me. I will continue to send pictures, but I won't be putting extra effort into gift buying or letter writing. Why do I need to convince them that I am a good person? My family and friends know who I am. Shame on them for not seeing it. Not my problem.