Family pride...

There is a strong personality trait that runs through my family tree. It comes down through my dad's side of the family, and we jokingly call it the "R_____ Pride". On the good side of things, it gives us great external confidence when facing a challenge or new situation. We look like we have it together, we hide our nerves, we converse and laugh and make the kind of responses that leads people to believe that we are natural born leaders, or that we can take on any task laid in front of us. We come across as very capable people. However, internally it wrecks havoc on our thought processes. We have this underlying belief that we will be the best at whatever it is we are attempting to do. We just naturally assume that our way is the right way. (And, quite often, it is.) We are a group of people who are good at just about anything (not particularly great at any ONE thing, but good at a lot of stuff). Here's the biggest downfall to this way of thinking though...when we encounter something that we KNOW we will not be the best at, we tend to shy away from doing it. When it becomes apparent that we will not be numero uno, we stop whatever it is we were doing, back away, and turn in another direction. This hit me square in the face today....I got an email from two of the girls in my MOPS BL group. They both said that they had already lost 4 and 5 lbs this week. And I immediately felt defeated. I just assumed that I would lose the most weight, that I had this competition nailed already. And it made me feel like a failure. I grumped at my husband, I growled at my kids, I slumped around the house, and I ate a few things I should not have eaten....all as a result of this stupid R_______ Pride. It didn't hit me until a few minutes ago that this competition, this attempt to, once again, lose weight isn't a means of being better than someone else at something. The whole purpose of this isn't for me to say "hey, guys, I won, I beat you all", the purpose of it is for me to get healthy and lose weight. So I need to rearrange my thinking on this one. I need to not get down any time I read that so-and-so walked 4 miles, or so-and-so did an hour on the treadmill. I need to celebrate their loses, but not feel defeated if mine aren't as good. I need to learn to celebrate MY wins. This morning I was "beating" myself up because I cut my walk short by 10 minutes. I was upset with myself for shortening it, when I should have been proud of myself for getting up, once again, at 6 in the morning and walking my loop. The loop that takes me up and over Smithers (I have named my hill Smithers....for Smithereens....because I would like to crush him to smithereens for being so dang steep and loooooooong) several times. And I should have been thrilled with the shoutout God gave me today. I was headed up Smithers for the first time, huffing and puffing and internally bemoaning the fact that I had to do this, when a deer appeared in the yard of the house ahead of me. Only about 25 yards away (football yards, not house yards). It stopped and watched me get closer and closer, then turned around and ran. I was just thanking God for this little hello when it suddenly ran back through the yard and crossed the road not even 5 yards in front of me!!! I laughed out loud...and then wondered if it was rabid. :)