Anger

I am so angry lately. It bubbles just below the surface, begging to be released. I've never been an angry person, a bitter person, one to complain....and a friend of mine make an off-hand remark the other day about me not speaking on a certain topic because I would be "sour grapes". She didn't mean it to be harsh. She was just speaking what she saw. Her truth. And I have become that. I'm a downer. This week I have asked a few close friends to pray for me. To pray that God would show me, very clearly, what direction He would have me take. Anyone who has prayed this.....do you, deep down, really hope that it is one certain direction? I keep praying that His will would be done....but tagging onto that this phrase, "But God, you know that if you want me to go that other direction, you will have to change my heart and mind". Is that wrong? I'm just so tired of hurting and being angry and growing bitter. I want to be light-hearted again. And happy. And I want to sing. I want to be a joy-giver to people, not an emotion drainer.

I leave Saturday for a week with my in-laws. Time will be spent with both sets. I am really not looking forward to this at all. Keep those prayers going for me.

Ugh.

Bigger Better Pinker

My daughter has two girls in the neighborhood that she plays with. She's 6, they are 8 and 9. As anyone who is a girl, or has a girl, or knows a girl, or works with a girl knows....three means that there will always, ALWAYS be drama of some sort. Any combination of the girls, when in pairs alone, get along well. But throw a third in the mix, and there are fights and tears and "she saids" and hurt feelings. The oldest of the three girls is a tomboy. She's active and involved in lots of sports and isn't into boys and fashion and things of that nature. The middle one is a girly girl. And my daughter tags along with the other two. My daughter is NOT perfect. She is dramatic and mouthy (at 6? Oh yeah, you betcha!). However....however....I admit all of that. The mom of the Tomboy gets it too. Her daughter isn't perfect either. Mom of the middle one...Girly Girl...she doesn't get it. Her daughter can do NO wrong. And if her daughter did any wrong it is because the other two hurt her feelings. Tomboy mom just called me, for the first time ever, because she heard from the girls that there was some birthday drama. See, Em didn't have a birthday party this year. Instead, I told her that over the summer she could have a friend spend the night. And it was supposed to be a friend who is the son of my good bud...the boy who had her over to spend the night earlier this year. Well, she started talking about this "sleepover party" and each of the two girls was invited by my daughter. And then uninvited. And then invitied but only one of them. And the invited one was flip-flopped depending on which one Em was getting along with. And I told her that there was no "sleep over party", and I told them that there was no sleep over party. But GirlyGirl went home and cried to mom, and mom called me yesterday to complain that my daughter was hurting her feelings by telling her she was invited and then telling her that no, Tomboy was invited. And I explained to mom that there never WAS a sleep over party. And I talked, quite seriously, with my daughter and as a punishment for misbehaving she lost any sleep over at all. Back to Tomboy's mom. She called to commiserate with me over GirlyGirl's mom. GirlyGirl's mom used to call and complain to her all that time that Tomboy did this, or Tomboy said that...and Tomboy's mom said she wouldn't talk about it anymore, that the girl's had to work it out amonst themselves. Then Tomboy's mom told me the tale of "Bigger Better Pinker". Seems that the last 3 of Tomboy's birthday parties, GirlyGirl has been invited. And when Tomboy opens something that GirlyGirl wants, GirlyGirl cries for one. First year, Tomboy got a bicycle, GirlyGirl took one look at it, burst into tears, and told daddy that she wanted a bicycle, a bigger, better, pinker one. Next year, it was some other toy. Year after that, tears again....so Tomboy no longer has birthday parties. I laughed....because last year Emilie got a Webkinz and GirlyGirl saw it and ran home and 10 minutes later GirlyGirl's mom called and wanted to know where to find them. Next day, GirlyGirl comes over with FIVE of them. This summer, my dad and I built a swingset/playhouse in my backyard. GirlyGirl's mom came over and checked it out during the build. Week later, GirlyGirl's dad is out back, building a BIGGER swingset. With a zip line. Laughable, and doesn't bother me. But I can't wait until school starts and GirlyGirl is involved in school again, and dance, and whatever other activities keep her out of my hair. She has a nasty attitude, and a mouth, and lies all the time. And mom thinks she is perfect. And they are all driving me batty. I got out of junior high a gazillion years ago, and you couldn't pay me enough to be a teenage girl again. It was a relief to know that Tomboy's mom understands, could care less if Tomboy is invited to something or not, and is not at all about one-upping. Oh, and if Tomboy does something, I have free rein to yell at her and send her home. Not that I would, but Tomboy's mom understands that Tomboy is not perfect. :)
PS Two days ago GirlyGirl thought it would be funny to bring their big Golden Retriever up to my sliding glass door to bark at my little schnauzer. When I calmly and not at all angrily pointed for her to take her dog home, she ran home and told mom that I had cussed at her. Me, who doesn't cuss at anyone. Ever. Laughable. How do I know that she told mom this, because mom called. I'm tired of seeing her number on my phone.